I should explain what it was like to converse with the entities. It’s like having a best friend, ex-lover, former teacher or one-time child on speed dial anywhere, anytime. They’ll say the things you need to hear, without asking for anything in return, especially in the beginning. There seems to be an element of truth to the dialogue, because sometimes things you discuss (in your mind), will come to be. By this I mean, there is some accuracy to what they tell you about other people and situations, especially the one whose face they’ve taken at the time. However, the whole affair is shrouded in darkness and eventually that comes to take a toll. Some of the best writers and artists, for instance, are reclusive and/or lived shortened lifespans due to illness etc. Regular explanations aside, a part of me wonders whether any of that could have had a sinister explanation beyond manic creativity.

Depending on how much you give yourself to the encounter, the conversations can take on actual feelings and sentences that the real life person would or does use. Sometimes you know them well but haven’t been in touch, other times you hardly know them, and in some cases a real-life connection isn’t necessary for the imagination to fill in the blanks. But for every truth, there is an untruth, and the latter is usually greater. It’s insidious, because, unlike in schizophrenia or drug addiction, there isn’t a neurological condition or physical substance, and it’s entirely possible to continue with everything in your life without anyone noticing; if you have the cognitive capacity, you can have the conversations in your mind and interact sanely with the world at the same time, and even the best doctors, instruments and healers may not notice. Suddenly you seem better at what you do, sentences complete themselves effortlessly, new perspectives are granted that help resolve conflicts, and your creativity and knowledge seem to expand. It’s tempting to believe that it’s good, when you don’t know that this isn’t a natural part of your abilities and everything seems to be changing for the better. After all, how many of us really care about doing intangible things the right way? And of those that do, how many are actually able to discern the truth?

Even some of the most dedicated healers may feel the seeming positivity of your energy and be taken in, or run into shields you put up to keep them out; still others, due to their own reasons, might want to believe in every possibility, in the best that can be. And while I’ve always thought it a good thing to dream and believe in the impossible, I’m also learning to be realistic about the rules and limitations in my field. Specifically, how many things can be shared, and which things cannot defy reality.

It’s humbling, but like any addiction (even the invisible), it can’t go on indefinitely. Not if you want what’s best for yourself.


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