Endings and Beginnings

Do we continue as we have been when faced with deep challenges? The scenery outside my window is the way it always has been; and I am surrounded by my favorite things. But I no longer feel that the energy is vibrant or my heart at ease with all that was once enough. Logically, I sought to complete, incrementally, what seemed a series of steps unto my desired result, but spiritually a different set of lessons had been unfolding. And now these were almost complete at my present location. I see now that the immense pressure pushed me into discovering for myself the necessity and beauty of mediumship and space clearing, as well as the importance of familiarizing myself with Earth rules—this last speaks to the nature of giving and receiving in individual karmic accounts as opposed to looking at the situation as a “whole” and seeing who has enough according to your beliefs about what is right. As I pondered the meaning of “the Universe is totally impartial—you reap exactly as you sow,” I began to realize I really was, indeed, from another world, in the soul sense. Because, for me, it was about ensuring equality across the board; saving the ones who seemed to have too little; and challenging those who seemed to have too much, too easily. But in doing so, I forgot my karma, and theirs, in that there is always a reason someone is in a given situation: for their learning and their growth.

It wasn’t until I realized that the ones I had been helping were really not as innocent as their “plight” had made it seem, nor did they have my back in the sense of loyalty I had once expected, and enjoyed, that I began to think about doing things differently. And then, the authority figures I had sought to take down, were really helping me by pushing my buttons—forcing me to confront that which hurt, because what I wanted was on the other side: there are those of us who receive what we need before we notice its absence, and those required to grow towards its gift. I often seek to prevent change, and maintain the status quo in my life, but I see now that there was nothing more I could have done. It usually takes a sizeable push to force me out of my comfort zone, for otherwise I would fix the situation, and stay where I was.

So if you find yourself facing inevitable change, and with it choices, this could be part of the reason.



Begin Again

Do you feel like an age has passed since the year began? I committed myself to a process of deep healing involving the Avalonian cycle, and boy has it been a ride. When I thought things couldn’t get worse, I found that, yes, indeed, they could. Such is the depth and severity of purification that seems to be involved in inspecting wounds not of this lifetime and preparing one for lightwork. It is one thing when you have complexes from childhood, but quite another when your soul remembers and your personality does not. I found that many of my issues simultaneously rose, and there was no escaping them; I found myself looking at the way I react to situations when what I love is on the line; I discovered that some feelings are beyond therapy or rationality, but that when placed in the same situations and energy as a past life, the pattern repeats. It can take a lot of effort to break the cycle. And success isn’t guaranteed when we are talking about higher levels of a lesson or breaking a habit for all time.

I found that, if anything, my knowledge of the mind limited me, in that I have go-to patterns of remedy that for me have ceased to have relevance, in really, a long time. Sometimes I think that ascension starts at the end of what we know about the psyche, and how much a human mind can take. I found that the lessons are tailored to your weaknesses, the fears your own. And that the gifts you have are to be used: whenever I have found time seem to be running out, I have found a deeper level of honesty; suddenly it didn’t seem too much to share, or to bear. I found that when you feel you can’t do the things you want, that is when you focus on the one set of things that really matters.

We always have the choice to leave our challenges, but as I see more and more, the “ordinary” people who became spiritual leaders—they chose to stay. I may not have had as many earth lives as they, but I’m at the point in my journey where the lessons are no longer about just being brave or doing what feels right to me personally; instead, they seem to be of the sort involving letting go of fears and beliefs despite all appearances to the contrary. And these are the things that have got me this far, that have given me reason to believe, for I thought they defined me. But somehow now, to actually get there, my own mind, no matter how brilliant, isn’t the higher mind; and my perspective, as justified as it can feel, isn’t the whole truth.

I have always been someone who liked to challenge authority, and stand up for underdogs, but the “fairness” I seek isn’t one we see within a lifetime. It is harder to let go of something you feel you need than to keep believing in something you have always wanted. When this last came around, I was at a point of transition between “daily life” and “higher awareness”; now I suppose I am between “higher awareness” and “higher frequency.” But those were changes I wanted to make, that I had always, secretly, desired. This feels like a loss of self, or perhaps ego. Faith before reward is a recurring theme in spirituality, and I realized that I can move forward fearlessly when I can see the certainty of the outcome. However, having the vision, without knowing the details, is a different story. Putting in the effort without knowing the result is a new mode for me.

We often have to throw away the old before we can have the new. But I think a lot of us were expecting 2017 to be a smooth blessing of new beginnings, when instead, the magnitude of the energy, along with growing awakening and sensitivity in some, has resulted in a seeming backlash of old issues and past patterns that, really, we thought we were beyond. And this is evident in more ways than one, personally and in some global events: you see the dirt beneath the surface before you can wipe it clean, and it looks worse than it once did for having been left that long to fester. You wonder how you will survive, and what will be left when you do; who you will be, when it is done. The road forward, no longer clear cut in its simplicity but guaranteed in faith, if certain steps are taken.

I found that I couldn’t go back to who I was, even if I had wanted, and a part of me knew this in the closing days of 2016, so I played with wild abandon in every way I could imagine. People often ask why, but divine timing is something that just happens when your soul is ready. Change can be an obvious blessing or a seeming obstacle, but it never leaves you the same. A lot of things I once enjoyed, and the company I would keep, no longer fill me with the same joy. I find myself knowing instantly if the other person is spiritual, and the length of time we spend is often determined by such; I find myself looking for people on the same path, who share my beliefs.

How has 2017 been for you?


Astral travel is an interesting phenomenon that can occur within almost any relaxed state of consciousness such as dreams, hypnosis, acupuncture, and meditation. There is the potential to visit many far-off places, including the astral plane and mystery schools, where you can learn numerous things. Returning to the body, however, is important, as it is entirely possible to have a variety of experiences and leave soul fragments in various lands and levels. While I know of people who can recover soul fragments, generally you want to be complete for physical health and optimal mental functioning; and one thing that really helps with this is setting the intention to return and putting out a request to your guardian angels and guides for protection and safety.

I find it is important to have enough things you love and care about to return to, so that you have a balance of ethereal wonder and real-life action. It really is spectacular transitioning from one to the other and feeling whole, complete and balanced. Sometimes you can take bits and pieces of knowledge and wisdom with you into the waking world, such as dream fragments, but it is never the whole experience. After all, part of what it means to be human is foregoing absolute certainty for the chance to learn and make mistakes. From the experience of daring and doing, erring and improving, we learn so much more.

You could say being human is a prized learning experience for the soul.

Of all the other places you could incarnate—and there are many—this one uniquely offers pain and emotion, karma and reincarnation, limitation and forgetting. So ironically, trying to be complete or logically rigorous often limits you to a smaller picture.

It is the acceptance of a limited perspective that opens vistas and shows you all you can know in this moment.

I was told, “The logical mind is not what takes you to the lap of God,” but it was only when I began to relinquish my own expectations about how things should work, that my readings began to change. Where I would be confined to a single card and studiously examine picture and word for information, I would miss the overall flow of the spread, and the intuitive knowing that would come once I allowed myself to see it.

Another thing I noticed with oracle card readings is that the timeline can vary anywhere from 3–6 months on average. This has to do with there being no concept of time in the spirit realm. Time and space, like free will and choice, are also unique to the earth plane.

So in striving for everything that seems best, we often miss out on the opportunity right in front of us.

It is a matter of context.

How many lives have you lived in other places? In other dimensions? What you will find is when you can fully embrace it, this life is exactly what you need it to be, in every way. For soul learning, for variety, for balance. Sometimes the things you want most are things you have done before, sometimes not yet.

There is time. 😉



If You Knew

If you knew how something would end, would you begin? I have always enjoyed good psychological suspense movies especially the ones with prescience or precognition featured as one of the main psychic abilities. But now I realize that in reality every gift comes with a challenge. I used to laugh about the burden of knowing the future, thinking I would just do whatever I wanted, with an extra edge on the competition. But the reality of life is that with so many individual choices, any kind of level or information you have that others don’t becomes something you can’t readily share. At least until they become ready. Patience is key until it is time.

It is often the one who sees first that has to wait.

My answer has changed over the course of the last month, through the process of spiritual decluttering and dissolving cords. When there is too much stuff, new energy cannot enter; so often, when you want something new, it is necessary to first let go of something old.

This is the Law of Flow.

It is not always when you feel emotionally ready, but when it is energetically time.

Everything serves a purpose, sometimes especially things that don’t last.

The only thing you can do is to live in the moment.



As fall begins with the autumn equinox and Mercury direct, do you feel a new cycle beginning both globally and personally? Hard-earned joy and blissful effort brought you to a point of great happiness and relaxation in summer and now those realizations are beginning to slowly, but uncertainly, change into a bountiful harvest meant to provoke personal growth and spiritual transformation amid global change.

It is time for another whirl.

Do you remember feeling last September was an intense time of inner change as your inner ideals where challenged and the rug was pulled out? It forced you to reconsider your outlook on life and purpose in such a deep way as to cause many to stop or abandon nascent projects that suddenly didn’t seem to be serving their original intent. But for those who “got back with the program,” so to speak, it was a needed transformation, and a necessary change whose ramifications lasted the duration of a year, only seeming to bear fruit now.

If you are wondering why sometimes even the simplest things seem beyond reach, it is because in making the right choices, you level up. Heart-inspired action, the whisper of your soul—these things push you to be who you are, and stand in your power. Due to the way we grow, every success is the beginning of a new endeavor; every culmination, a new invitation. These are cycles, like the nautilus in nature, or tree rings.

When the process accelerates, it becomes more important to trust than to understand.

These are lasting lessons that change the stuff you are made of, always for the better. And all previous masks no longer suited to you, fall away. Often the answers we seek require our willingness to look beyond the questions as they are posed; it is interesting that life is as much about acting courageously, as it is letting go of the need to know.

You will often notice that as someone moves from science into spirituality, rationality changes into intuition. This is much to do with scope, and flow, because when we start looking for higher answers, logic is often an insufficient guide. While there are things that can be measured, others defy observation with traditional senses. And often, the right choice is one you feel with your heart and soul—it is the one that cuts through layers of illusion and shows you the truth. It is something imperceptible with the mind.

Whether a perfect soulmate or the right profession, the inner sense we all have shows us a glimpse of heaven’s tapestry. Whether or not the outcome is “desired,” you could say that spiritually everything works out—on a soul level, in future lives etc.—when your intentions are pure. The times it doesn’t seem to work physically are when there are deeper lessons to be learned and something better is waiting just around the corner. What sparkles now, isn’t always what endures forever. But soul lessons are the ones that are chosen and part of beauty is diving timing. And the road to come.

Destiny often works in mysterious ways, in that when something beautiful is taken away seemingly without rhyme or reason, it is only to be given to you in some even better, as yet unfathomable, way. Or there is karma to be cleared. And then it is fair, though you know it not, because ultimately karma is lessons—the kind you can’t see; the kind your soul needs; the kind that transcends lifetimes.

It is about seeing the bigger picture.

How would you learn to forgive if no one had ever wronged you? How would you learn the meaning of love, without loss? Could you be compassionate, without suffering?

Remember it is not the erudite mind’s knowing, but heartfelt feeling that truly contains these qualities.

Every experience refines your soul’s wisdom.


Do you feel as if there’s a mild lull in energy now? Like the impossible struggles have been resolved as you eat ice cream by the sidewalk watching people go by. The Dog Days of summer are a brief respite of leisure before a new term begins. One of those rest periods where you finally get to take in the scenery and smell the roses. And, my, have you looked at how things have changed? The world almost looks different. What was once to be feared and avoided has become a place of safety and comfort; desperate measures thought the only way out were unnecessary as something much better unfolded right before your eyes—there all along, but for the taking. And in the dynamic balance of forward motion and progress, a new smoothness is crafted. After all, you don’t have to hang on, tooth and nail, to the cliff, if you can pull yourself over the top, right?

You see, anything that has the power to sink you, also has the power to make you.

Challenges come to show you your strength. And in their resolution, a layer falls away to be released and new opportunities arrive. All that you deserve, all that you ever wanted. At least until the next cycle. And boy, are they speeding up. How else would you lift the frequency of a planet and its inhabitants?

Every deluge of negativity holds within it the seeds of new positive change.

It is a skill to remain poised and believing through it all, and part of that is learning to love and let go, grow and accept, receive and give, and move and stay true.

You learn your true value when it seems there is no place for you.

And in the ensuing upheaval, as white becomes black and faith turns to doubt, you can find a pinprick of light within darkness. With that, everything can be inverted. Like turning a garment inside out, things can be seen in a new light. All opposites can be resolved. As mindset changes, so too does reality around it.

More immediate karma also means more immediate manifestation.

Now that’s exciting, isn’t it?


Alone in space, Nagamine Mikako’s mind drifts, when an alien encounter challenges her beliefs about the self, humanity and her closest relationship. Through a combination of telepathy, hallucination and distant memory, she comes face-to-face with her deepest wishes and darkest fears in the form of a projected image that looks just like her.

An alternative look at the doppelgänger scene in the Japanese OVA, Hoshi no Koe (Voices of a Distant Star).

Theme song: Through the Years and Far Away – Ai Miyoko

Distance, 8.6 light-years.

“…Do you really think it would be the same if you go back?” Mikako’s doppelgänger faced her, tranquil and knowing, hands pointed downward over a light green frock.

“There are things I want to experience.” Summer clouds…cold rain…

“…You wouldn’t understand.”

“You chose this. And look how far you’ve finally come.” How far should I go?

“Don’t you want to see what lies beyond?” The visage was childlike and mature at the same time.

“I only want…to see him again.”

“There are many of you here.”

“What makes him special?”

I never thought about it, but I suppose…we have a connection, Noboru-kun and I.

“He’s ordinary.” Nothing like you. This seemed to belie the silver wedding band on her finger, and a dress that spoke of innocence and domesticity.

It doesn’t matter. “It took him almost nine years to accomplish a fraction of what you did in months.”

“How long can a ‘connection’ like that last?” There was such a presence, of deep knowing and being lost in memories.

With Noboru-kun, I always felt…

“From the ground, I saw only the sky. But now up here, I see only the ground. Earth.”

“You can go much further. It’s only a matter of time.”

“I don’t have time!” Mikako shouted, clenching her fists and pumping them downward in rage. He’s already twenty-four.

“Your notion of time is limited.”

“There are many stars, and galaxies. Universes even.” All waiting to be explored.

…at home. “I don’t care!” My wish is simple.

“Top of your class. Best in studies and athletics.” Stronger…than anyone.

“You don’t belong on the ground.” When you dream, it seems everyone reaches for the stars; but when it comes time, only so few find the way.

“I have nothing here.”

You have everything. “Snacks, bus stops—barely had the rain stopped and your eyes sought the clouds.”

The sky; I’ll be onboard that. “I didn’t know the price of choosing to fly.”

“You told him only after you were chosen.” That has to hint at priorities, Select Member.

“I was a child then.”

Mikako’s doppelgänger shook its head. “You’ve killed so many, so…beautifully.”

“And much more awaits. I want to show you.”

“I only want one thing…can’t you give that to me?” Simple pleasures are pretty.

“You cling to him as a lifeline, a remnant of time gone by. Of who you once were.”

“But a lifetime has passed.” You are an exceptional soldier.

“No!” Mikako shouted. “I wouldn’t be here, if—if you hadn’t attacked us on Mars.”

“Were you there?”

“I read the reports.”

Is everything you read true? “You explored the ruins of our base.”

“You were planning an attack on Earth.”

“Do you know if your first survey unit brought weapons?”

“It’s our solar system!”

“‘The solar system really isn’t just for humans.’ You said that, correct?”

I did. “Before I realized the Tarsians were monsters!”

The doppelgänger turned her head slightly and her eyes seemed to twinkle. “If we had left our technology on Mars for you to find, would you have come after us?”

“I don’t…”

“Humans understand so little without bloodshed.”

“Think about it: You didn’t have the technology to leave your galaxy. Why would we bring it all the way to you, with so few troops, just so you could steal it and chase us?”


“Would we have gone to all that trouble to attack a planet whose inhabitants are already destroying each other?”

“You mean…”

“Yes. An invitation.”

“It was time for you to leave the Milky Way.” And see the wonders of the universe.

Mikako was speechless. “But…you killed us.”

Her doppelgänger was still. “A few lives for the greater good.”

Their eyes met and suddenly Mikako didn’t find her own that friendly anymore. “I said it before: you kill so very well.”

“We’ve had our eye on you for a long time, Mikako.”

“Deadly, but elegant; brutal, but somehow beautiful; single-minded, yet sincere; young, but sure.”

“We wondered, ‘What would it be like to communicate with someone like that?’”

Mikako shivered in disgust. “Your arms wrapped around my Tracer.” Now that I think about it, each time, they reached out as if to grasp something.

Her doppelgänger nodded, and her eyes seemed to sparkle. “You were so fast; I see why you were chosen.” It takes more than reflexes to hold your nerve in battle.

“I am a soldier.”

“The U.N. stands for peace, doesn’t it?”

“My orders are to exterminate on sight.”

“Let me show you something.” The doppelgänger’s features seemed to glow and Mikako felt the area between her eyebrows pulse for a second time.

“He called you Nagamine,” her doppelgänger said tellingly, “until that e-mail.” It’s Mikako!

“How much of this is in your head?”

A special connection, or a simple classmate. “It’s easy to say, ‘I like you,’ or ‘I want to share things with you,’ from far away.”

“Easier to think you’re like ‘lovers separated by space and earth’ than to realize you were different from the start.”

“Talented girl bound for the stars, ordinary boy based on the ground.”

Base temple rising…Long summit.

“Living together everyday, bound by the rules of society and class…Is that what you want?”

Will you meet me halfway, Noboru-kun?

“More importantly, if roles were reversed…would you have waited?”

“Noboru-kun replied to my e-mails,” Mikako said defensively. “He didn’t forget me.”

“Easy to spend five minutes reminiscing because of an unexpected miracle, harder to carry it through reality.”

“He was happy to hear from me!”

“Will those feelings last?”

“If he really wants the same things as you”—Moments in time. Moments to last a lifetime—“then it doesn’t matter how much time passes.”

“And if not, then by the time you return…”

“Have you ever wondered why he didn’t join you in space?”

“Without relativity, there would be no time lag. So, really time isn’t the thief.”

If I could fly faster than the speed of light.

“The speed of light is a cosmic law…It cannot be surpassed. But time is different.”

How can something inanimate…be so cruel?

“Temporally preserved, distally romanticized.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll see him again.” …Child who increases beauty.

“Follow me.”

Straighter than the string of light.

“Step forward.”

“There’s something I want to entrust to you.”

“Why would I want anything of yours.”

“You took the FTL technology. Did you ever wonder…how it works?”

“Time only passes faster on Earth when you turn around. What if by then you had the material to replicate our technology?”

“Exotic matter. Negative mass, specifically.”

“What if those things existed beyond your solar system?”

“You could go anywhere: another galaxy, another universe.”

“Even home.”

That’s what you want, isn’t it?