I never expected, on the verge of an age milestone, that I would be also entering the initial stages of spiritual mastery. Where you see through time to discover the causes of fear, and ask before you act. More and more, it was no longer right for me to hold on to things and people that once served me, for fear that nothing new was on the horizon. I didn’t realize how much of my life was governed by this maxim, until the humor of the goddess of compassion, Kwan Yin, whose name in full Chinese script means “observing the cries of the world.” It was hilarious to learn that if I simply said, “there are new things” then a lot of my fears dropped away: I would no longer need to save appliances, preserve relationships and cling to beliefs that were no longer serving me.

You only change when it causes more suffering to stay the same.

This is often why we are forced out of a comfort zone.

In two short years, I had moved from everyday seeker to spiritual practitioner, but for the love that makes you grow. There is such a difference between love that keeps us small, clinging to our fears and insecurities, and the person that waits a higher level distance away, never too far, but forcing us to grow and be the best we can. Ostensibly under desperation, I learned the skills I never would have dared open, for that was the motivation I needed to open the door. And it was to my surprise to learn that space clearing is practical, and mediumship, beautiful.

Much more, that the Greek and Roman goddesses I had studied in classical literature were perhaps going to be coming through in the near future.

Brought to the depths of my own patterns, I saw that often what we dislike in the outer world is a reflection of the things we don’t like about ourselves. This applies across time, for the beliefs you hold today are the consequences of actions taken in past lifetimes. For instance, I had a fear of contamination that I never really understood. It was a specific kind. It was only when I saw myself burying people in dirt that I realized the exact sensations I didn’t like, were the ones I had probably inflicted.

When you see the worst of you, you also begin to see the best in you. As I saw the old-fashioned soldier brandishing a sword, I also saw the priestess holding a wand. The masculine energy of my past, and the Divine feminine energy, possibly of my future.

I had been bending the rules to ensure an outcome, trying to save the world without realizing that what had been meted out was fair. That I couldn’t keep helping the way I had been, because of the rules of karma. When you give more than you receive and allow it, the other person begins to owe you. And that debt has to be paid at some point in time. So it’s best to make sure there is an equal exchange.

We are on the verge of even more change, because it isn’t just about doing the same things in new ways. You cannot cling to the past, and expect to move forward. Nor accept gifts of the future while you hold to energies of the past.

Free yourself for the beauty that awaits.


Begin Again

Do you feel like an age has passed since the year began? I committed myself to a process of deep healing involving the Avalonian cycle, and boy has it been a ride. When I thought things couldn’t get worse, I found that, yes, indeed, they could. Such is the depth and severity of purification that seems to be involved in inspecting wounds not of this lifetime and preparing one for lightwork. It is one thing when you have complexes from childhood, but quite another when your soul remembers and your personality does not. I found that many of my issues simultaneously rose, and there was no escaping them; I found myself looking at the way I react to situations when what I love is on the line; I discovered that some feelings are beyond therapy or rationality, but that when placed in the same situations and energy as a past life, the pattern repeats. It can take a lot of effort to break the cycle. And success isn’t guaranteed when we are talking about higher levels of a lesson or breaking a habit for all time.

I found that, if anything, my knowledge of the mind limited me, in that I have go-to patterns of remedy that for me have ceased to have relevance, in really, a long time. Sometimes I think that ascension starts at the end of what we know about the psyche, and how much a human mind can take. I found that the lessons are tailored to your weaknesses, the fears your own. And that the gifts you have are to be used: whenever I have found time seem to be running out, I have found a deeper level of honesty; suddenly it didn’t seem too much to share, or to bear. I found that when you feel you can’t do the things you want, that is when you focus on the one set of things that really matters.

We always have the choice to leave our challenges, but as I see more and more, the “ordinary” people who became spiritual leaders—they chose to stay. I may not have had as many earth lives as they, but I’m at the point in my journey where the lessons are no longer about just being brave or doing what feels right to me personally; instead, they seem to be of the sort involving letting go of fears and beliefs despite all appearances to the contrary. And these are the things that have got me this far, that have given me reason to believe, for I thought they defined me. But somehow now, to actually get there, my own mind, no matter how brilliant, isn’t the higher mind; and my perspective, as justified as it can feel, isn’t the whole truth.

I have always been someone who liked to challenge authority, and stand up for underdogs, but the “fairness” I seek isn’t one we see within a lifetime. It is harder to let go of something you feel you need than to keep believing in something you have always wanted. When this last came around, I was at a point of transition between “daily life” and “higher awareness”; now I suppose I am between “higher awareness” and “higher frequency.” But those were changes I wanted to make, that I had always, secretly, desired. This feels like a loss of self, or perhaps ego. Faith before reward is a recurring theme in spirituality, and I realized that I can move forward fearlessly when I can see the certainty of the outcome. However, having the vision, without knowing the details, is a different story. Putting in the effort without knowing the result is a new mode for me.

We often have to throw away the old before we can have the new. But I think a lot of us were expecting 2017 to be a smooth blessing of new beginnings, when instead, the magnitude of the energy, along with growing awakening and sensitivity in some, has resulted in a seeming backlash of old issues and past patterns that, really, we thought we were beyond. And this is evident in more ways than one, personally and in some global events: you see the dirt beneath the surface before you can wipe it clean, and it looks worse than it once did for having been left that long to fester. You wonder how you will survive, and what will be left when you do; who you will be, when it is done. The road forward, no longer clear cut in its simplicity but guaranteed in faith, if certain steps are taken.

I found that I couldn’t go back to who I was, even if I had wanted, and a part of me knew this in the closing days of 2016, so I played with wild abandon in every way I could imagine. People often ask why, but divine timing is something that just happens when your soul is ready. Change can be an obvious blessing or a seeming obstacle, but it never leaves you the same. A lot of things I once enjoyed, and the company I would keep, no longer fill me with the same joy. I find myself knowing instantly if the other person is spiritual, and the length of time we spend is often determined by such; I find myself looking for people on the same path, who share my beliefs.

How has 2017 been for you?


As fall begins with the autumn equinox and Mercury direct, do you feel a new cycle beginning both globally and personally? Hard-earned joy and blissful effort brought you to a point of great happiness and relaxation in summer and now those realizations are beginning to slowly, but uncertainly, change into a bountiful harvest meant to provoke personal growth and spiritual transformation amid global change.

It is time for another whirl.

Do you remember feeling last September was an intense time of inner change as your inner ideals where challenged and the rug was pulled out? It forced you to reconsider your outlook on life and purpose in such a deep way as to cause many to stop or abandon nascent projects that suddenly didn’t seem to be serving their original intent. But for those who “got back with the program,” so to speak, it was a needed transformation, and a necessary change whose ramifications lasted the duration of a year, only seeming to bear fruit now.

If you are wondering why sometimes even the simplest things seem beyond reach, it is because in making the right choices, you level up. Heart-inspired action, the whisper of your soul—these things push you to be who you are, and stand in your power. Due to the way we grow, every success is the beginning of a new endeavor; every culmination, a new invitation. These are cycles, like the nautilus in nature, or tree rings.

When the process accelerates, it becomes more important to trust than to understand.

These are lasting lessons that change the stuff you are made of, always for the better. And all previous masks no longer suited to you, fall away. Often the answers we seek require our willingness to look beyond the questions as they are posed; it is interesting that life is as much about acting courageously, as it is letting go of the need to know.

You will often notice that as someone moves from science into spirituality, rationality changes into intuition. This is much to do with scope, and flow, because when we start looking for higher answers, logic is often an insufficient guide. While there are things that can be measured, others defy observation with traditional senses. And often, the right choice is one you feel with your heart and soul—it is the one that cuts through layers of illusion and shows you the truth. It is something imperceptible with the mind.

Whether a perfect soulmate or the right profession, the inner sense we all have shows us a glimpse of heaven’s tapestry. Whether or not the outcome is “desired,” you could say that spiritually everything works out—on a soul level, in future lives etc.—when your intentions are pure. The times it doesn’t seem to work physically are when there are deeper lessons to be learned and something better is waiting just around the corner. What sparkles now, isn’t always what endures forever. But soul lessons are the ones that are chosen and part of beauty is diving timing. And the road to come.

Destiny often works in mysterious ways, in that when something beautiful is taken away seemingly without rhyme or reason, it is only to be given to you in some even better, as yet unfathomable, way. Or there is karma to be cleared. And then it is fair, though you know it not, because ultimately karma is lessons—the kind you can’t see; the kind your soul needs; the kind that transcends lifetimes.

It is about seeing the bigger picture.

How would you learn to forgive if no one had ever wronged you? How would you learn the meaning of love, without loss? Could you be compassionate, without suffering?

Remember it is not the erudite mind’s knowing, but heartfelt feeling that truly contains these qualities.

Every experience refines your soul’s wisdom.


In the midst of much change, it is hard to find the certainty to catalogue all that has happened, much less process and present it in a coherent fashion, knowing that much more is to come: globally, we seem on the verge of yet another wild ride, in the form of energy shifts; ever-quickening ascension; internal balance between all aspects of who you are and are becoming; and in the fire of transformation, many things, including old friends, seeming guarantees and cherished sanctuaries are stripped away, as in the shedding of old skin. Competencies, too, and the aspects of yourself seemingly most worthwhile and presentable, not to mention the things and people you thought were necessary to lean on—the ones you would have had and truly loved for a lifetime—likewise dissipate in the ever increasing evolution of self and planet.

It is often ironic, even contradictory, that in losing our “best selves,” we actually begin to heal our deepest wounds, overcome our darkest fears, and atone for the most egregious of mistakes. For sometimes, it is only in not having that which you most want, and dearly love, that you do what needs being done. Perhaps it is the person you wouldn’t reconcile with, if you felt safe; the chance you wouldn’t take, if you were loved; or the qualities you wouldn’t develop, if you were sheltered. Sometimes it is destiny: the chosen obstacles for this lifetime; and other times, karma, balancing the scales between lifetimes. In all cases, these challenges, heartrending and mind bending though they can be, pave the way for the greatest spiritual growth. Maybe you will have your heart’s wish when all is said and done.

There is always hope.

Equally, sometimes the very thing you covet is not meant to be. It would not be right for you, in reality; it is not what is ordained, at this time; perhaps you are not truly ready. Better options will come along, I am told, if you will but wait. Trust, then, is a most important quality—not in a higher power, necessarily, but in the appropriateness of your soul plan—and can be one of the hardest to master: belief in that which must, by necessity, remain unknown.

It is not truly a test if you know the answers.

Personally, I have found it most interesting what stays—and what fades—when the earth truly splits asunder: cold logic and precise reasoning do little when you are tied to the tracks and the train is almost upon you; pride and honor have their place, but are hardly all-seasonal; vengeance and payback will only bring about more suffering; but most of all, caution and fear do not bring you to the prize.

Instead, it is love that shines through all darkness, a seed for every lifetime, a flower for every season. The form is not important, but the substance binds us through timelines and locations, bringing about soul reunions, when you least think it possible. Taking chances, then, is important: Even if you end up heartbroken, you will have learned something, and who knows, maybe in a future life fleeting connection becomes cemented reality. If you plant the seed, there is always a chance. When you have everything, it doesn’t matter—there are other options—but when you have nothing, it will be the thing you miss. In a sense, then, choosing with your heart is an investment for the future, one that is sure to broker happy days and sunshine.

Intellectually, it might seem obvious, but living that awareness is much a different story. Power, wealth, strength and intelligence, not to mention looks, are often the greater draw. It is interesting to note, however, that when you take a higher perspective—whether experientially or vicariously—these attributes rarely bring lasting joy, and can even be a catalyst for mistakes.

Making the right choice is rarely easy.

But it will always be worth it.